Brown curtains and Sunshine
Your brown eyes follow me across the room as I randomly put on different shades of face creams that you have suddenly got accustomed to the past three days. You tell me I have a weird habit of leaving my hair open at night,and it hinders your access to my face. The curtains are drawn completely even if the clock says 3:45 pm and we have no itinerary of the day planned. We joke it we like it this way- days, perhaps our life, each unplanned and uncertain and in the hopes of a new adventure each day.
As I settle back into your arms, your warmth engulfs me in totality. I remember that feeling, that infinite crossover that my heart did at that moment, and how I smiled whole heartedly through my lips because that was what I could do at that time. My heart was so full, and my brain was trying to capture the moments as a camera clicks photographs for the future.
You tell me I live in memories, maybe sometimes I should try to live in my reality as well? And I gracefully tell you that my reality is broken and shattered, and I have grown up dealing with my imagination and living in delusion. You make some random funny faces like the way you do, and we both laugh at the situation. We both laugh how we met, on a random dating website, with the hopes of getting married to someone, lost touch and got back to our stupid thoughts after a year and a half.
Your presence sometimes brings me close to who I am, actually. On other days and nights, it spins an open thread inside me- of existence, of life, of what I really want, of what I should really ask for from life. All of these threads remain unanswered and uncalled, and I like them that way sometimes. We would never have the answer to all our questions, and I am only 28, so maybe I wouldn’t even want to know the answers this soon.
Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night yearning for your face and your smile, and those arms. I yearn for your thoughts, your advices, your jokes and your conversations. I don’t know if there is a word for feeling whatever I feel, but I do hope that someone has written about this somewhere before. Like they write in books and they show in movies, this is a soul connection and we should strive to make it much more complete than it already is.
On some nights, I only have these words to tell you about how I feel. One of the greatest discoveries I have made during quarantine and this whole covid phase is that a person can fall in love through video calls, and by looking at the other person miles and miles away, and can yearn for their presence and touch like never before.
The room is messy yet perfect. Maybe just like our relationship. Yet again, who knows what perfect is. Each person has a different definition of this term I assume. The brown curtains reflect sunshine behind them. But we do not want it to come inside our little room. Sunshine would mean reality, and we are always in the favour of escaping it.
I stare back into your brown eyes, which appear darker in the room now. I tell you I love you a thousand times. Our lips meet once again. And we get back to discussing about food, where to eat, what to order, or how I should work out more often.
Life.
